Marya Mannes once wrote, "The earth we abuse and the livingthings we kill will, in the end, take their revenge; for inexploiting their presence we are diminishing our future."Obviously Ms. Mannes preferred the status quo - health, sanity,logic, blah, blah, blah. Why? Green House Roulette is so muchmore intriguing.
In the country, weather affects everything. For five years myhome of Western South Dakota has been gripped by drought. Waterand hay are vanishing. Farms and ranches are blowing away. Whilethe government bails out victims from Hurricanes and says,'South Dawho?' our cattle are pissing dust mites. Fortunately,things are looking up.
There is some good news! Those pesky glaciers are finallymelting off! Last fall an eight-nation report estimated an areaof Arctic icepack the size of Texas and Kansas is gone. Forthose who are geographically impaired, that is an area biggerthan a breadbox.
At first, news of devastating global might seem abit of a bummer. Then I read an LA Times article and had achange of heart. The article began with the usual gloom.Greenland's ice cap is melting. Our coasts will flood fromrising seawater. Inuit hunters are falling through thinning ice.Melting glaciers change ocean temperature and salinitycontorting the jet stream, which results in altered weatherpatterns worldwide. Multitudes of species are dying off . . . Itwas disheartening.
Then I got to the article's final paragraph. Bam! My faith wasrestored. Here the Times pointed out the perks of globalwarming. Seriously, the article actually ended saying: "Thereport is not all gloomy. A warmer Arctic could increase thenumber of some species, such as Arctic char, a fish. It couldextend the growing season for wheat in Canada and open upnow-treacherous sea routes, such as the Northwest Passage andthe Northern Sea Route, which parallels Russia, for shipping andresource exploration."
Three cheers for the LA Times! It's true! All is not gloomy.With that glorious bit of sunshine pumped straight up my skibibs, I was able to see things in a whole new light. I startedthinking of other advantages to global warming. Soon you willagree that people from all walks of life will benefit.
For starters, Inuit Hunters will benefit! Once Inuit havenothing left to hunt there will be no need for them to riskfalling through thin ice. Plus, by needing food they will beripe for a floating (pontoons, not ice) Arctic Super Wal-Mart."Go get 'em, Sam."
Boat owners will benefit! Not only will there be smooth sailingthrough the formerly bothersome ice of the Northwest Passage,but each summer, cruise ships will be able to run touristsstraight up Bourbon Street in New Orleans.
Scuba Divers will benefit! There will be no more burning coralcuts. In fact there will be no more coral. Once all the reefsare gone, divers can pack away first aid kits and dive straightin. A little silt never cut anyone.
Canadian Wheat Farmers will benefit! You see, there is a 10%decrease in yield of corn from Midwest crops for every degree ofglobal warming. No worries though, now wheat can take the placeof corn. Think about all those scrumptious Wheat Dogs at theball game. How about popped wheat with butter at the movies orsteaming wheat on the cob? All scream 'yummy' to me.
While it is a bit ironic that ethanol is made from the corncrops global warming devastates, I am sure some aspiring chemistwill rise to the challenge of developing 'Wheatanol.' ImagineCanuck Wheat Farmers having more influence than the Saudi RoyalFamily.
Dune-Buggy enthusiasts will benefit! The Dakotas will soonreopen for your 4-wheelin' pleasure. Join the Mount RushmoreNose Climb on July 4th! It will be a bugger of a challenge!
Eco-Tourism Operators will benefit! Companies could offer new"Emaciation Tour Packages." Tourists get closer photos of polarbears and whales when they are too lethargic from starvation tomeander away. In addition, long treks to Inuit villages can beavoided once they are forced to beg on the streets of Nome (orcashiering at Wal-Mart).
Finally, the next generation of Bush family politicians willbenefit! Once again they can avoid addressing campaign issues,this time by distracting dehydrated voters with witty campaignphrases like; "No Kyoto Pact-No Ice Pack," or "Dead Seals NeverFlip-Flop," even promising "No Char Left Behind." Not to mentionoffering new, SPF 80 tax credits.
Well, by golly, I do feel better! Shall we spin the Rolettewheel some more?
About the author:Zoologist turned satirist Nola L. Kelsey is the author of BitchUnleashed: The Harsh Realities of Goin' Country andcoauthor/"primary scribe" for the political, self-help, satireKeeping the Masses Down. She has also ghost written a book onthe wildly exciting subject of Temporal Mandibular JointDisorder (TMJ). Her musings, rants and tirades may be enjoyed onher web site, http://www.nolakelsey.com.
Schools to Help Needy Students]]>
Even if people stopped pumping out carbon dioxide and other pollutants tomorrow, global warming would get worse, two teams of researchers reported yesterday.]]>
A sampling of noteworthy presentations yesterday at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, taking place in Washington this weekend.]]>
All college freshmen who live in dorms should be vaccinated for meningitis, a government panel recommended yesterday, reversing policy of the past. The panel is also advising doctors to give the shot to all 11- and 12-year-old children and recommending that it be provided to at least 4 million children eligible under the federal children's vaccine program.]]>
Additional Resources
Global Warming T-shirts – Representation Of Social Concerns
The t-shirts have always been not only a part of your wardrobe but also a mean of expression. The messages written on the t-shirts have always produced waves of diverse opinions and movements. Today, Read more...
|
Additional Resources
Overconsumption
By Virginia Bola, PsyD, Fri Dec 9th
America is a nation based on the principle of over-consumption.We entered a pristine new world bursting with natural resources,long-drained from the old countries we had left. We plunderedthe Read more...
|
We strive to provide only quality articles, so if
there is a specific topic related to climate change that you would
like us to cover, please contact us at any time.
And again, thank you to those contributing daily to
our climate change website.
